Talk:Ahi Ayna/GA1

GA Review[edit]

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Nominator: Aintabli (talk · contribs) 16:21, 20 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Cplakidas (talk · contribs) 08:11, 8 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Will take this on shortly. Constantine ✍ 08:11, 8 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi @Cplakidas, I'm not sure if you were waiting for me to do some preliminary checks, but I have quickly gone through the article and wanted to notify you about the review that you can start whenever you're free. Aintabli (talk) 23:24, 6 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable, as shown by a source spot-check.
a (reference section): b (inline citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Lede

What does Emir adil mean?
Added translation.
The Armenian name is transliterated, so it should be in an appropriate template ({{transl|hy}})
Done
Please provide a reference for the names in the different languages listed here
I have added those names to the body with references in order to keep the lead clean.
Explain briefly what an ahi is, e.g. 'leader of a local brotherhood, known as ahi' or something like that
Done
Add Erzincan's approximate location, e.g. 'in northern Anatolia'
Done
Add brief context for Eretna as well, e.g. something like 'the local warlord' or 'regional potentate'
Done
multiple wars against the Empire of Trebizond and Kingdom of Georgia add that these were neighbouring Christian states
Done
Clarify that his predecessor is unknown
Done Aintabli (talk) 19:58, 10 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Background

retreat of the Byzantine Empire from the region can you give some more context, or at least a link? I assume the Battle of Manzikert was the decisive event here? I would also recommend moving around Erzincan to this place.
Done
pushed until Sivas a bit colloquial, perhaps 'reached Sivas'?
Done
faced a major defeat better 'suffered a major defeat', as 'face' implies confrontation prior to battle
Done
the Ilkhanate rose in West Asia, which was founded by Hulegu Khan (r. 1256–65) slight reordering: 'the Ilkhanate, founded by Hulegu Khan (r. 1256–65), rose in West Asia'
Much better. Done
Clarify that the Empire of Trebizond was Christian and a Byzantine remnant state
Done Aintabli (talk) 20:11, 10 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reign

perhaps add a date either for Bazm u Razm, or for its author?
In 'Background' it is stated that the local population of Erzincan was Christian Armenian. Was Ayna also a Christian Armenian?
Ahi Ayna first appears in 1348 as a vassal of Eretna, a former Ilkhanid officer who after the dissolution of the Ilkhanate, established a sovereign sultanate (r. 1343–52) this repeats much of what was said about Eretna in the previous section, would recommend removing it here.
Suggestion: add that Panaretos was a contemporary of events he describes
Per my usual question, would Tur Ali Beg, Muhammad Rikabdar, or Khoja Latif warrant WP:REDLINKs?
He returned to Erzincan after 3 days of campaign was inconclusive Who is 'he' here, as there are several people mentioned? And there is something missing in the end; perhaps '...after three days of campaigning, which proved inconclusive'? However, it is not stated what the aim of the campaign was. If it was only a raid for plunder, the short duration and lack of a clear outcome would be expected.
Ahi Ayna exercised autonomy reads odd; 'Ahi Ayna enjoyed more autonomy' or 'Ahi Ayna was left with more autonomy'? And add from whom Ayna enjoyed more autonomy from.
Ghiyath al-Din Ahi Ayna Beg and Ahi Ayna Beg, I suggest sticking to a single way of calling your subject, just 'Ahi Ayna' will do
Give some context on Abu Bakr Qutbi (time and place), perhaps also a redlink?
Kemah was under the administration of a governor instead of a vassal emir like Ahi Ayna a governor of Ahi Ayna's? The juxtaposition with Ahi Ayna as 'vasal emir' is a bit confusing as this sentence deals with vassals of Ahi Ayna...
Add regnal dates for Ghiyath al-Din Muhammad I
suggesting a violent death not only a violent death, but likely on campaign against the Christians, or not?
He "gained independence" the last person mentioned is Ahi Ayna
The map is, unfortunately, not very helpful. Lacking a better one, the expedient of the geophysical map with pins like at Eretna would surely be more useful.

Nice work, looks fairly comprehensive. I will do a final check including source spotcheck once the above comments are addressed. Constantine ✍ 19:34, 10 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]